As a young adult, it had been far too many times in which my imagination had run wild like horses free in the mountainside only to get me into trouble. It always seemed to start completely innocent of course. I had come across people who made promises of a better life if I would just use my imagination, dream bigger and visualize. “Close your eyes and imagine in your minds eye…” they would say as if it should come naturally to me. It didn’t come naturally to me though, to imagine better days ahead, maybe because of the seared reality of my life that haunted my mind day and night. To close my eyes was to close them in horror. “Use your imagination, let it run wild!” teachers would encourage as if the world could become all I wanted it to be in reality through my own imagination. So here I wanted to come out of the depths of despair, trying to use my imagination to get me out. Imagining myself on a beach only to realize I had never been to one at that time or even seen one was a bit disappointing. So now what? Search the TV? Read a book and imagine I was there?
I began by spending time using my imagination in its simplest form, replacing those whom I saw on TV with myself. I became all they portrayed in a one hour episode. Nothing could stop the train once it left the station of my mind. Most times, my train began at the station of soap operas. My grandmother who watched soap operas all day allowed me to share in her television time to keep me quiet. I became the Young and the Restless, imagining my fairytale wedding and marriage to the perfect man. Always in nice clothes…always happy. I spent some time in reality changing my last name to be the same as the cute boy in class. I went on to be Wonder Woman and save the world of course while keeping my makeup perfect.
As I grew into adulthood, my imagination, dreams and visualizations had not become my reality. I had imagined being in the perfect relationship only to be hurt by abusive men. I had imagined being in a big beautiful home only to read the eviction notice left by the sheriff. I imagined being rich only to succumb to a level of poverty. So what happened between my imagination and my reality? The lines between the two blurred. I would become sick to get attention as they did in the soaps or I would portray myself as confident only to reside in low self-esteem. I portrayed happiness only to be deeply saddened. This was my reality.
I was recently reminded of my past blurred reality as I was speaking with an associate about our imagination and the reality of who God is. “Oh, I don’t believe God is like….and “No, I think he is…” would flow from her lips. We imagine Him a certain way and believe this is who He is, but where does our imagination of God start and where does it end?
For me, my imagination created God as someone who looked like Moses with a white robe and white beard, sitting upon a throne like Abraham Lincoln’s statue ready to execute me at the first wrong move. He had a super deep voice that rumbled the entire nation. I was like a termite looking upon Him ready to be stomped by His foot of judgment! I imagined Jesus as this poor lonely man that was beat down thousands of years ago because I currently don’t know how to act right. I imagined Him with the thorns and blood dripping half-naked and hanging on a cross for eternity. A view much tainted by television, opinions, corrupt pastors and the sort.
But was this God’s reality? Was this view of God from my imagination correct? And did I need to play sick to get His attention?
When God saved me and I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior, He began to shift my imagination of Him to understanding who He really is. He also shifted my created imagination of my life and gave me hope for reality in Him. My daydreaming became goal setting as His plan for me began to be revealed, first through His Word. He obviously doesn’t look like Moses, nor is He about to stomp the living daylights out of me! Through proper teaching and study of the Word, I began to understand that God is loving, holy and yes is our Judge, but we are not little termites! We are children of the Most High God! A God who shows mercy, is patient, kind and gentle. One who will give me attention when I am sick and even when I’m not. One who will give me true confidence because I now know who I am in Christ. Comforting me in the tears of many years to knowing every single hair on my head. The Emperor and Creator of the universe is my Father, no need for me to be Wonder Woman. He has sent Jesus as a living sacrifice for me and yet He rose to victory. He’s not still hanging out on the cross. I mean really? I couldn’t give up my daughter for a trillion dollars let alone for the sins of an entire world. This is God’s reality! The Truth is His Word and His Word is who He is.
Lord, continue to help me to never allow my imagination to override the truth of Your Word. Let not the wild horses, nor the train of my mind run amuck amongst the mountainside of Your glory. Your Word says that You gave your only Begotten Son that whosoever shall believe in Him shall have everlasting life. Your promises are a delight to my soul and I bring every imagination and thought into captivity and make it obedient to Christ. I believe You will line my life up with Your Word- blessings, prosperity, favor, delight, peace, power because you have a plan for my life…can we go on Lord? Yes Father, I want Your light to shine so bright within me that one must put on sunglasses to be in the same room. I want others to see Christ so much in me, they ask - who is Dolores? When I come home to glory, I want to hear well done my good and faithful servant, now on with your perfect life. But first, I want to ask Jesus how in the world did He feed 5,000 people on a two-fish budget and can I try walking on water please? I want to ask Daniel, how big were the lions? And Mary how did it feel to be the mother of the Savior? Lord, does my mansion have central heating and cooling or is the weather always perfect too? How did you get every snowflake to be different? How..... Now that’s an imagination! In Jesus name.
Be blessed,
Dee-Dee McDuffie Scripture References: John 3:16; Deuteronomy 28; 2 Corinthians 10:5; Jeremiah 29:11
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