RESIDUAL EFFECTS

I’m feeling the residual effects of you
Just when I thought I could start anew
You’ve yanked the cord of me back to you again
The pain returns once more to bend
My heart in places I don’t want to go anymore
Its as if I hadn’t closed that door

Crying is something I know to well
He’s bottled my tears so that I could tell
others’ of the hurt and pain to avoid
He’s the One who can fill the void
But you’ve yanked the cord of me back to you again
The pain returns once more to bend
My heart in places I don’t want to go anymore
Its as if I hadn’t closed that door

So here I am wondering what to do
Have I not severed the cord of you?
“No, not completely” I hear the Holy Spirit say
“Allow me to sever, you won’t go back in anyway”
So I call upon the name of the Most High
The one I recall that you choose to deny
So here I am ready to start anew
Yet I feel the residual effects of you

“Father, help me to completely depend on You!
I'm sitting here wanting to close that door
don't allow him to hurt me anymore... "
I cry in sheer joy at the sound of Your voice
I remember that I've made the choice
to allow You to help when I call upon the Most High
“Thank you Father,” as You draw nigh
“Now I have severed the cord of you
and I will wipe away the residue ….”

Praise Be to God and With God's Love
Dee-Dee McDuffie
010
07/22/11

A HIGH TOLERANCE OF PAIN

She was driving at least 50 miles per hour in a 25 mile zone. I was in the passenger seat of her burgundy ‘92 Toyota Corolla, breathing heavily and beginning to hyperventilate as she ran the second red light. The song “You Can Make It” was playing on the radio as she tapped along on the steering wheel and said, “See! God knows that you can make it!” As we laughed, my girlfriend flew over a wooden bridge that shook as we passed over it and the small creek below, breaking the sound barrier! “We’ll be there in a few minutes!” she continued. I felt like we would be at the hospital for the delivery of my daughter in a few seconds! I was not only afraid of the possibility of death in the way my girlfriend was driving, but I was also afraid of the pain of delivery! During the delivery, I realized the pain wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be due to previous painful experiences in my lifetime. In my early teens, I was diagnosed with extreme endometriosis. The pain associated with it was extremely discomforting to say the least! I had school, sports and the like, so therefore I was told by others that I had to learn to become tolerant of the pain. Each time, I would tell myself that it wasn’t that bad, breathe deeply and put my focus elsewhere. I developed a strategy just to ignore the pain and push through to the point - miscarriages, an ectopic pregnancy, pneumonia; burns, cuts and bruises over the years were really not an issue for me. I developed a high tolerance of pain, even though in some cases, I almost died! I recently was reminded of my high tolerance of pain as I burned myself at work on a 350 degree oven! I quickly took a deep breath…said “oh well” and pushed through and focused on my work. Basically, I ignored the pain!

As I was in meditation and study, I thought about my high tolerance of pain and how it correlated with my past relationships. The first time that I was slapped so hard that I thought my eye was going to pop out of the socket by someone I loved, I told myself that it wasn’t that bad. The next time my head hit the mirror and the pain permeated throughout my body, I told myself to ignore the pain and push through. Looking back, I realized that I built up a high tolerance of pain in my relationships. Every time I ignored the signal of pain, ignored the red flags of warning, it cost me much more than one can even imagine. I tolerated the pain of severe abuse, cheating, addictions, jail, tickets, financial problems, manipulation, lying and on and on. WHY? Love? Sex? Loneliness? Baby-Daddy? Financial Help? Companionship? Low Self-Esteem? Maybe the answer could be all of the above!

Pain is described in the dictionary as an unpleasant physical sensation, feeling of discomfort, emotional distress and/or someone or something troublesome. Pain is an indicator that something is wrong and should be addressed. For example, I would have never known that I had endometriosis if I wasn’t in some type of pain. Now, we could go on and on about degrees of pain, but I think you get the hint! Pain is to get your attention, not to ignore the attention needed.  

Have you allowed each painful incident in your current relationship to develop into a high tolerance of pain? Have you ignored the signals of pain? Have you taken deep breathes and focused only on the so-called good when you need to address the painful areas? Do you need to re-evaluate the areas (or the person ) causing the pain your experiencing? Sometimes, you need to walk away from things to get clarity, especially if the pain is ever-increasing.  

Jesus Christ died so that we may have life and have it more abundantly. It is not God’s desire for you to suffer excessive unnecessary painful experiences. We all will have trials and tribulations in this life, but it is not God’s desire for us to wallow in them.  You don’t have to stay in an area of unhappiness and defeat - that is a trick (bondage) of the enemy- Satan! You can experience true joy, which supersedes happiness! When you come to know who you are in Christ, your tolerance becomes a shield of protection to God’s temple.  Don’t allow anyone to treat God’s temple (you) with disrespect - even you. Find out what God says about you in His Word beginning with His magnificent gift of salvation! God is all you need since all good things come from Him! Allow Him to give you true insight and godly wisdom into your future godly relationship of courting that will bring you to marry your Man of Valor! A man [or woman for my male readers!] after God’s own heart! Come out of the darkness of the enemy (Satan) - the bondage he has you in and be delivered.  In Jesus’ mighty name!God did it for me, He will do it for you!

Praise Be to God and With God’s Love

Delivered and Restored,

Dee-Dee McDuffie

07/4/2011

006
Scripture Meditations: John 3:16 (NIV)

For God so loved the world that he gave is one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

Psalm 31:1-2 (NIV)

In you, O Lord, I have taken refuge, let me never be put to shame deliver me in your righteousness (2)Turn your ear to me, come quickly to my rescue; be my rock of refuge, a strong fortress to save me.

Psalm 121:1 (NIV)

I lift up my eyes to the hills-where does my help come from?(2) My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.

Psalm 118:6 (NIV)

The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?

Proverbs 11:14 (MSG)

Without good direction, people lose their way; the more wise counsel you follow, the better your chances. 

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (AMP)19Do you not know that your body is the temple (the very sanctuary) of the Holy Spirit Who lives within you, Whom you have received [as a Gift] from God? You are not your own, 20You were bought with a price [purchased with a preciousness and paid for, [made His own]. So then, honor God and bring glory to Him in your body.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8(AMP)
4Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily. 5It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love (God's love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong].6It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail.
7Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening]. 8Love never fails [never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end]. As for prophecythe gift of interpreting the divine will and purpose), it will be fulfilled and pass away; as for tongues, they will be destroyed and cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away [it will lose its value and be superseded by truth].

FINDING HOPE

Years ago, I encountered a spirited young woman named Hope who was bright, funny and intelligent. She was the accounts payable clerk in the hotel in which we both worked. We quickly became friends through our daily encounters whether in the café or the office. I found that we had a lot in common especially in regards to our relationships with our mates. We’d spend time laughing about what quirky, yet irritating event happened and would compare notes, so to speak. 

Overtime, I noticed some changes in Hope. She would stop by my desk and tell me the latest drama with her boyfriend. It seemed as if he would take her on a rollercoaster ride of the ups of intense happiness the downs of extreme sorrow. The stress overtime intensified and Hope had a hard time focusing on her work; just getting through the day seemed a task for her. There were days when Hope was so overwhelmed with problems that she resided in a constant state of confusion. Her conversation was broken because she was easily distracted by thoughts which ran through her troubled mind.  

One day, Hope and I had a brief conversation about going to church. She stated how she hadn’t been in quite awhile, but yet wanted to return. I had just become saved myself, therefore talking to her about God entailed sending her to a more mature believer in the office. She began by telling me things were getting pretty rocky for her because she was about to lose her home. She continued by stating how her boyfriend hadn’t been working, was not contributing to the household and her income wasn’t enough to take care of the bills. He also owed back child support in which she was paying in order to keep him out of jail. A few weeks later, she came with good news of marriage and she wanted things to turn around for her - and her now husband. After all she had been through with him; she felt that once they were married their problems would dissolve. Unfortunately, to my knowledge, they didn’t.   

With some nudging from her boss to prevent the loss of her job, Hope went to a counselor. I finally noticed something was wrong with Hope after she had been missing for a few weeks on vacation. Unfortunately, she eventually had a nervous breakdown. Circumstances in her life had taken over her thoughts and actions until she could no longer work and had to be medicated in order to think partially clear. Months later, I saw Hope as she returned to work. She didn’t seem like herself because she was so heavily medicated. Hope was like a person in the distance. She eventually lost her job and home. It saddened me to see her hurting, and the gossip that accompanied her breakdown, hurt her even more. I left that hotel never really knowing what happened to Hope or how she was doing. I prayed that she had found herself again and the Hope I knew returned to her former spirited self. 

Recently as I was in meditation and study, I found myself pondering about the hope (to desire something with confident expectation of its fulfillment) and trust (confidence in and reliance on) we need to put in God and not man. It brought me to recall my friendship with Hope and how she put her hope and trust in man (specifically her husband) and not completely in God. She unfortunately didn’t have anything to grasp onto once the circumstances in her life took a turn for the worse, even more so when her expectations and trust were crushed. I believe it was then that Hope lost her grasp on life and lost herself. 

When things go array in your life, where do you turn? Do you turn inside yourself, to others’, external drugs/alcohol or to God? Where do you place your hope? In whom do you place your trust? I watched Hope deteriorate from not finding Hope (and trust) in God. I encourage you today to find yourself (who you are in Christ) in Him! Put your hope and trust completely in the Almighty. He is the one who holds your peace, joy, comfort and all of your needs! God is able to do exceedingly, abundantly above all that you can ask or think! Turn all your cares over to God today and watch Him do the supernatural for you! If you feel as if you have lost hope - rejoice! God can restore your hope! He’s the restorer of all things, including HOPE!

Praise Be to God and With God’s Love,

Dee-Dee McDuffie

07/11/11

008

Scripture Meditations:

Psalm 118:8 (NIV)

It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man

Psalm 25:3 (AMP)

Yes, let none who trust and wait hopefully and look for You be put to shame or be disappointed; let them be ashamed who forsake the right or deal treacherously without cause.

Psalm 42:5 (AMP

) Why are you cast down, O my inner self? And why should you moan over me and be disquieted within me? Hope in God and wait expectantly for Him, for I shall yet praise Him, my Help and my God. 

Psalm 62:5 (AMP)

My soul, wait only upon god and silently submit to Him; for my hope and expectation are from Him.

Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future…..”