NOT A CHILD FOR ME

To my readers: I am sharing my experience as a parent in today’s blog.  It is not my intention to come across as a child psychologist in any manner.  I do not consider myself a child-rearing expert or therapist nor am I certified.  I am just being transparent about my experience and how God has changed me while stewarding His gift that is my daughter.  I pray that regardless of your role in a child’s life, this blesses you in some manner.  Dee-Dee Lee  Col 3:21; Eph 6:4; Ps 112:2

"Your dad is a *(&S^ idiot!" I yelled at the top of my lungs with a few more choice words between brief short breathes of air.  At the age of 9, my daughter sat still and quiet in the back seat of my car.  I turned to find tears rolling down her face.  “That really hurt my feelings Mommy.” She began to cry more intensely.  As I regrouped and shut the trap that is called my mouth, the Holy Spirit spoke (paraphrased): "If you don't change, you will destroy a life."  It hurt to hear this yet it caused me to turn from so many harsh words, habits and traits that I had once embraced.  Some of these being known and some having to be revealed to me by God.

As she grew, the Holy Spirit spoke in my prayer time once again - "Although you are a good parent, you are not parenting her as I desire."   In other words, I was doing well in that I wasn’t abusive with my words.  Yet because God had created her, He knew what words would penetrate her heart to become the person He had intended.  He knew what areas needed my attention first and other areas He deemed as unimportant for that particular time.  I would spend time focusing on what God deemed important for her life and He would remind me the 'how, when, where and what' mattered immensely in my parenting.

Later as she was beginning to enter high school and on to college, the Holy Spirit spoke once again, "You must be consistently consistent in your parenting or she will not learn to respect you, nor Me.  You shall not be the fun parent, but the godly parent that I've called you to be."  In other words, I could not compete with the other side of her Dad's family nor could I say one thing and completely do something different based on emotions.  I couldn’t allow the guilt I felt losing custody over her to impact how I responded to their ways of parenting.  

For example, for me, I couldn’t be a girlfriend speaking with her about her boyfriends.  Nor could she watch me bed-hop from one man to another while teaching her the ramifications of pre-marital sex.   I had to teach her what the Word said and be an example.  More so, whether she liked or hated me for it.   The times that I had epic fails had to be discussed appropriately with a sincere apology and repentant heart. 

As she graduates from college, I'm watching our relationship flourish into a great parental-child friendship.  We talk about everything from her goals to relationships.  Her dreams, hurts, fears and questions about God are what we tend to spend hours on the phone mulling over.   God has helped me to create a positive habit of asking for His help before I open my mouth in response to anything  she speaks out.  Now, her decisions are important to her as she doesn’t want to take the scenic route to God as I once did.  I hear the reflections in her voice of many statements I’ve so eloquently spoken from her youth.  She is so much more than I am and I absolutely love and thank God for His hand on her life.  Nope, neither of us perfect by any means, but God-focused is a great place to reside.

Today as I watch kids hitting their parents, spitting on them and words of demonic influences flow off of their young tongues, it makes me not want any more children.  I would say under my breath, that’s not a child for me.  In this world knowing that we are in the end days, I have spent time in prayer and was honest with God.  I told Him I really don’t want anymore because I’m afraid to have a child like that because I’m liable to hurt [punch] them!  And more so, punch some of these  parents in their throat!

I heard no response.

The Holy Spirit spoke during at a completely separate time in church service.  It was an unintended clear interruption from Him.  “Shall you not have any more children at My request?” Huh? What? – Did you say something Daddy? Words that in response portrayed as if I didn’t hear Him the first time. I heard Him.  “You shall have more children, whether it be from your womb, or not – but you shall oversee many.”  As I sat there writing frantically – let me stop here really quick.   When God speaks to you, He is not obligated to repeat Himself, therefore have the respect for Him and write it down.  [Bishop I.V. Hillard]  Ok, so as I was writing frantically- I remembered each child that I’ve encountered on my journey as a parent.  Those who were my daughter’s friends or others’ who now call me Mom.  I don’t take this role lightly because you can destroy a life.  As a post on social media so easily pointed out - it’s easier to build a child than to repair an adult. 

In summary, as God has helped me every step of the way, one personal command has stood out for me: “Daily you shall seek My face and believe when there is no evidence to believe that I will do as I promised with your child.  My grace is sufficient for you and will cover her…”  There are many Biblical promises that I stand on along with this statement to help in the difficult seasons. 

As I stated before, I am not an expert nor a therapist, more so I am sure outside influences and other reasons are why we seem to be losing the battle with our children.  Today, I pray for parents everywhere, that they would come under the mighty hand of God in their parenting.  That we as Christians would be watchmen standing on the tower, never moving as intercessors for the next generation.  And while sometimes, although it may not work out as planned even with God fully involved, you may find peace.  It will be in knowing at least you've done all that you could because you have invoked His presence [every time] in your relationship with your child(ren).  Also, that God will keep His promises.  Let this be your peace.  With God’s help every step of the way, let’s raise a God-fearing generation who honor God with their lives according to His Word.   

It's time to flex (and invoke the power of God in our parenting),

Dee-Dee Lee

A Few Things (and there have been many) I’ve learned:

·        Invoke the presence of God before handling your children in any manner.  Don't be in denial about who you are as a parent or who your child is/isn't - let God reveal all things in you and them. 

·        Be consistently consistent in your parenting.  Don’t give in based on emotions.   Make sure they see you in action, not just hear you on a consistent basis.  It produces respect and trust.   

·        Pray with and for them daily. God will show you how to handle them.  Remember His grace is sufficient.  Therefore, He will show up in any manner that you need at that particular time.

·        Being a godly parent doesn’t make you less fun, they will respect you and God in the end.

·        Spending an hour and a half explaining why they need to do as you’ve asked will be more frustrating for you than them. Make teaching moments plain, keep it simple and short.

 Your turn! What could you add to this list?